Please take notice that any animals showing up for an interview in a clever human costume will not be considered for employment. Fool me once, shame on me . . .
Do you know what it's like to work at a place like Google or Amazon with amazing work conditions, fantastic pay and requires little to no work? No, neither do we, but, we like to
think our business is a little slice of heaven.
Now that we have your attention, let's talk about the job opening we have. We have an immediate opening in our online distribution company to do more stuff than we can fit in this ad. What's online distribution? It's a fancy way of saying that we sell stuff online. No physical store, just a warehouse, office and computers to help you make the magic happen.
Your main 'job' is to make our Manager's and CEO's life easier. In exchange for this, you, ah, well, get paid!
Your responsibilities would be varied and numerous, so it's not a boring job, but to give you an idea, we might have you working on:
- Keeping a blog, Facebook and Twitter pages up to date with interesting information, articles, specials
- Editing products and other information on our eCommerce site or,
- Working on Facebook promotions and analyzing their effectiveness or,
- Working on an email promotion or,
- Doing new product research
- Keeping track of our inventory
Don't worry, you'll be fully indoctrinated, er, ah, we mean 'properly trained.'
You'll spend a good amount of time working with e-commerce software. No worries, as you will be fully trained, you just need:
- Some computer skills and,
- The ability to learn
You do not need practical knowledge of our business model.
Sounds like a lot of computer work, doesn't it? Well, it is! Therefore, we're looking for someone that is:
- Really, really comfortable working on a computer for lengthy periods of time.
- At a minimum, you should keyboard at 45 wpm and exhibit skills commensurate with being comfortable in the online environment and with social networking.
- Previous SEO, eCommerce and online marketing experience might be a plus if you promise to do things our way and not bugger everything up.
Now, this doesn't mean you have to know everything there is to know about social networking, email campaigns, online distribution, etc. We're willing to train the right person. There are numerous software programs that we will train you on.
We'll give you a graduate degree worth of experience concerning selling products and marketing online.
There is lots of room for advancement into management or cross training into other areas, etc. Did I mention bonuses? We have a history of distributing bonuses as important
milestones are achieved.
If you're still reading this, that means you probably recognize this as one of those special jobs that only comes around once every so often.
Some of the skills you need are:
- English as a first language or a strong second
- Excellent use of written English grammar.
- Attention to detail, and the ability to work unsupervised.
Therefore, when you respond to this position answer the following questions:
- Why are you interested in this job and not one of the others you read right before it?
- What is it about 'you' that should motivate 'us' to interview you?
- Have you ever had a job that exceeded your capacity for work? If 'Yes', how did you handle it?
(If 'No', how do you think you would handle such an environment?)
- Have you ever stabbed your supervisor? If so, it's not immediately disqualifying, we just want to be prepared.
The position is full time; that's 40 hours per week, with a starting/training wage that's negotiable (depending on experience), however, there are no benefits, but you'll get to work
with the finest people in the known universe, really!
Okay, so how do you apply?
- Reply with 'Bat Crazy' in the subject line.
- Send your resume and reply with all requested information from above.
If you're the real deal, we'll be thrilled silly to hear from you! We will review every submission that is received in accordance with the procedure stated above.
If you don't hear from us, well, you know - don't make me say it, but we probably hired someone else, sigh. If it makes you feel better we could tell you that we will keep your resume on file, but we really don't do that.
Full training is provided. We are willing to accommodate the right person. What are you waiting for, apply now!
It'll be fun, really; maybe!
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Offer to work on this project closes in 63 days!Submit A Proposal
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